You are not broken

If you’ve ever thought “Why can’t I just snap out of this?” I want you to know something important.

Fear isn’t a flaw.

It isn’t weakness.

And it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

So many women I support used to feel confident riding — and then one day, fear quietly took the reins. Not because anything is “wrong”, but because the mind learned a new pattern.

There was a time when I would ride anything, would gladly be given any opportunity to ride regardless of what it might be like...Not anymore...

There was a time when I would happily point my pony at any jump and enjoy flying over it...not now!

There was a time when I would gallop full pelt over the stubble without a care in the world just, loving the speed and the feeling...now I can see the risks, everywhere!

When I had my first child, everything changed in my mind - I couldn't take the risks that I used to, I felt responsible for this little bundle and I couldn't get hurt.

Whilst I was pregnant I competed in a 3 day event and was perfectly happy to do so, but then it changed. It was a love like I had never felt before and it was incredible and slightly scary. I didn't actually think I could love anything more than my pony, Ed and then Freya was born!

So this threw a spanner in the works and after having Joshua I decided I needed to work on my mindset! I couldn't lose myself to being a Mummy.

I love horses and I love my family and this needed to work together but there was no way of getting around the fact that I felt fear, on my beloved pony, in a way I had never felt before.

I needed to get on with it, man up a bit, just do it...but there was a block and it got to the point when I actually just didn't want to do anything but hack out with my friends.

So I was kind to myself, I enjoyed what my mind and body was craving for - connection with Ed, time together where I could be just me again.

Unfortunately just as I was feeling ready to be able to do more, Ed passed away. I was heartbroken and unsure what to do next. He was my heart horse, my one in a million. We did so much together and he taught me so much about riding and myself.

Riding another horse that isn't your special pony feels strange. It is like you don't fit right, like you are a bit uncomfortable. It was as if I needed to re-learn riding, to start again. This was good, as I could re-train my mindset as I learned how to be with another horse. I took my time with some very special ponies, Flirty, Maisie, Bob, Star and Hamish. These ponies each taught me something new, grew my passion and love for what I wanted to do.

But it wasn't all plain sailing and I worked so hard on myself. Using my NLP techniques to help question and understand my thoughts. To really know what I wanted from riding and to set realistic expectations to get there. I learned to be kind to myself, to celebrate what I could do and to absolutely love riding again. I had to re-frame my thoughts, understand my feelings, visualise the future whilst letting go of the past and my limiting beliefs. I still practice mindfulness every day. I still have my wobbles but I now have my anchor to get me back.

My highlight was riding Hamish across country last year. I had tears streaming down my face as I truly felt connected, happy and absolutely loving life.

There was not one part of me that felt scared. There was not one bit who questioned what I was doing, that risk assessed or thought of my children. It was just me and Hamish and it was incredible!

Learned patterns can be gently unlearned.

Riding should feel happy and fulfilling — grounded in love for our horses, not fear or pressure.

You’re not broken.

You’re not alone.

And support really does make all the difference.

The Confident You Membership has been created especially for women who feel just like this. Message me if you are interested to join.